Top Ten Wedding Registries You Should Never Have

There's nothing wrong with having a wedding registry. In fact, it's advisable if you want to avoid receiving twenty-five ornate candle holders from well-meaning friends and family members. As you get ready to grab that zapper gun and head off to the land of greed and good fortune, remember, there are certain registries that you should never, ever have, lest you want to find yourself in the Bride and Groom Hall of Infamy!

#10 The Personal Services Wedding Registry

You like to keep yourself looking good, which is why you often indulge in massages, pedicures, and high-maintenance haircuts. This is all well and good, so long as you don't register for these items as well. There's something kind of creepy about asking your aunt and uncle to pony up for your Honeymoon Couples Massage. Just think of your Uncle Phil's beer belly watching over you as you strip down and you'll understand why.

#9 The Pay My Mortgage Wedding Registry

You've just bought a home, hooray! You just lost your job, boo. You're planning an extravagant wedding, yay? You expect people to pay your monthly bills? Boo, double boo.

#8 The "This Doesn't Exist?Yet" Wedding Registry

You're aching to pop out a baby the second after you say "I do," so why not be prepared by registering for all of Future Baby's wants and desires? Wrong-o. People don't want to invest in the future, they want to buy you something for the here and now.

#7 The Individual Wedding Registry

You want a new pair of skis and some camping gear. He wants an aquarium and a puppy. Because of this, you register at REI and he signs up at Petco. Trouble is, you're signing up for things individually, which won't sit well with your guests, who are looking forward to buying you something which you will use together. Strangely, this is also the point of getting married.

#6 The Gift Certificate Wedding Registry

You don't know what you want, so you figure registering for a bunch of different gift certificates at well-known stores is the ticket. While adding gift certificates to your department store registry is a-okay, you'll want to make sure to include some tangible items for people who want to get you a thing rather than just hand over a plastic cash card.

#5 The Inappropriate Wedding Registry

There are certain things that most sane people will never want to buy you for a wedding gift. Those items include: adult toys, alcohol, and artillery. I am sure you can add a few R-rated no-nos to this list as well. Remember, if you're grandma would be embarrassed to buy it, it shouldn't be on your registry.

#4 The "We Choose Your Charity for You" Wedding Registry

Most people don't mind giving to charities as wedding gifts. Most people do mind when you choose their charities for them, especially when the list includes fist-fight starters like PETA, Planned Parenthood, and the Republican or Democratic Parties. If you're going to go the charity route, choose three to five organizations that don't inspire riots or police action.

#3 The Returnable Wedding Registry

You will find yourself going straight to Wedding Registry Hell if you sign up for dozens of gifts that you plan on returning for cash as soon as you receive them. People spend time selecting items from your registry and usually remember what they've bought when they visit your home. Save yourself the headache and keep what you've asked for.

#2 The "Get Me Out of Debt" Registry

Straight up asking for cash from your wedding guests is like handing them invoices as they walk out the door from your event. You wouldn't do this for your birthday, so why should your wedding be any different? Besides, no one wants to pay for your past financial failures.

#1 The "Pay for My Wedding" Registry

One step further than the Get Me Out of Debt Registry, the Pay for My Wedding Registry is just plain evil. If you can't afford your extravagant affair, you shouldn't be having it in the first place. Get over yourself and downsize.

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